- once something happens...you cant just hide it away forever.... because one day it'll hurtyou even more. 23rd october My soul's silent scream one would think they were cannibals...the way they clawed at my skin and ripped through to my very heart. Hungry...hungry for something that cannot be gained by generosity but by taking it viciously from another. They did not know what love was, nor what innocence could be. The sight of my blood upon his hands caused him to shiver with delight. My chest no longer ached, as the biting and constant hitting had numbed it. My legs burned with pain and inner thighs ached. The tearing of my skin within raised a scream out of me which angered all four of them. The fourth man who sat in the corner only smirked while watching as pain rippled throughout every inch of my body. I use to think my bruises that covered my body would never fade and the wounds that caused me to sob would never heal...but eventually they did. It was the pain inside that never faded...deep within a place that I even i do not what lies there. I wonder...was it rape? Or was it something much more than that? I use to call it an act of animal... but not even animals would behave in such a way. The first person I told was my brother...and still to this day I do not know why...for so much distance had lied between us and his words could only comfort me for a moment and then when I hung up the phone I was again scared, alone and lost. I looked across at her lying next to me...not moving at all. I tried reaching out serveral times to her hand but failed every time. I began to scream out her name and cry for her. And yet she wouldn't move...I gave up on screaming when I thought her to be dead. The blood that was smeared on her face had began to dry and her eyes remained closed. I had given up by this time...I lied unable to move...unable to now even scream. I stared at her letting my tears fall. It felt like hours had passed by but it was only minutes...everything was silent and all I could feel was pain sweeping over body in and out and in every bone and muscle...I opened my eyes and the men were gone. It was just her and I lying on the bed. I sat up finding strength within me that I never knew I had and grabbed her hand. I pleaded for her to open her eyes... To this day I wonder why they had let us go...for its only now that I wonder...if she had been dead...where would that have left me? Could I have headed in that direction too...to have my life taken away from me? As that night past I found myself in the safety of my room. I sat quietly in the corner letting my tears fall blackened by my make up. Whether it was me overcoming my fear of moving or simply feeling sick wearing the clothes I had on the night before I jumped up instantly and ripped off the shirt from my body and stood before the mirror. I slowly lifted my eyes and cried as I ran my fingers softly over the cuts, punctures, and bruises that covered my breasts and stomach. As I removed my jeans a stale metallic smell filled the room. I softly touched in between my legs and sobbed as blood smeared on my hand. I felt ashamed and dirty. Although the dirtiness was not physical but within, I would scrub my body every night till my skin was raw and stung beneath the water, I would vomit until I could vomit no more and I would cut until there were drops of blood upon my hands than my tears.
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